If you’ve ever dreamed of an off-road vehicle tour through Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, or waited for Black Friday like a sleepless night in a lawn chair, you’re in for a treat! These hilarious Amish jokes will take you from Rumspringa mishaps to buggy mishaps, all while tickling your funny bone. With traditional clothing, strict adherence to religious beliefs, and the charm of a barn for the Amish buggies, there’s no shortage of laughs.
In this article, enjoy an all-you-can-eat buffet of jokes that breaks down barriers and finds common ground through humor oh my goodness, sauce!
Amish Funny Best Jokes
- Why did the Amish man get kicked off the rollercoaster? He tried to hitch his buggy to it!
- How do Amish people do their taxes? With a horse-calculator!
- What do you call an Amish guy with his hair out of place? A rebel with a comb-over.
- Why don’t Amish play baseball? They can’t deal with all the runs.
- What happened when Eli tried using a microwave? He asked where the wood goes in.
- Why did Mary refuse the light bulb? She couldn’t see the switch in tradition.
- What do you call Amish tech support? Your cousin Jacob with a wrench.
- Why do Amish make great listeners? Because they don’t have Wi-Fi distractions.
- How does an Amish man propose? With a wooden ring and a pie recipe.
- What’s the Amish version of Netflix? Storytelling by candlelight.
- Why don’t Amish ride bikes often? No cupholder for their milk jar.
- What do Amish use for GPS? Directions carved on barn walls.
- Why don’t Amish have selfie sticks? They already know what they look like.
- How do you start an Amish rave? Yell “Pie’s ready!”
- What’s an Amish man’s favorite pickup line? “Nice bonnet.”
- What’s the Amish version of a car alarm? A rooster.
- Why did Amos build two barns? One for cows and one for secrets.
- What do you call Amish breakdancing? Plow spinning.
- What do Amish influencers do? Quilt patterns with attitude.
- Why did Sarah wear sneakers to church? Her buggy broke down.
Amish Puns Jokes
- I’m barn to be wild.
- Hay there, have an Amish day!
- Let’s plow through this conversation.
- That buggy move was wheelie good.
- Amish you a merry Christmas!
- She’s sew into quilting.
- Hitching a ride, the old-fashioned way!
- Wood you like to churn some butter?
- That beard has barn-charm.
- It’s un-buggy-lievable how fast they are!
- Keep calm and churn on.
- Don’t be hay-tin on tradition.
- A barn well built is a pun well placed.
- Let’s milk this joke some more.
- Let’s make this Amish-memeorable.
- He’s got barn-burning speed.
- Feeling buggy? Ride it out.
- When life gives you cows, make butter.
- Just quilt and let live.
- They’re always sowing seeds of laughter.
Amish Charade Jokes
- Trying to guess “churning butter” without props is udderly ridiculous.
- Pretending to raise a barn with invisible wood beams.
- Guessing “milking a cow” by squatting and squeezing the air.
- Acting out “horse shoeing” leads to accidental kicking.
- Mimicking “quilting” looks like sewing a giant sandwich.
- How do you act out “Sunday buggy ride”? Move like you’re bouncing on wooden wheels.
- “Shunning” looks a lot like the silent treatment.
- “Candle making” gets mistaken for wax-on-wax-off karate.
- Acting out “hand-churning ice cream”? So many hand cramps.
- I mimed “butter churning,” they guessed “DJ-ing.”
- Pretending to cut wood looks more like ninja practice.
- “Baking bread” looked like aggressive dough wrestling.
- “Barn dance”? It became a solo hoedown.
- “Fishing without tech” just looks like awkward hand flailing.
- “Knitting a shawl” ended up looking like tangled spaghetti.
- Pretending to mend a buggy wheel = confused bicyclist.
- “Feeding chickens” led to chicken impressions.
- Guessing “raising a silo” involved sky-pointing and hope.
- “Goat milking” = awkward farm yoga.
- “Horse brushing” turned into a dramatic hair salon sketch.
Read More: Funny Shopping Puns & Jokes One Liner
Amish OneLiners Jokes
- Barn to run, forced to walk.
- Quilting is my cardio.
- Nothing gets past an Amish rumor mill.
- My buggy has more horsepower than your car!
- The beard says wisdom, the hat says Sunday.
- Churn butter, not drama.
- If it ain’t broke, it’s Amish-made.
- Keep calm and raise barns.
- We ride buggies, not waves.
- No Wi-Fi? No problem. We got cows.
- Amish GPS = “Turn left at Eli’s barn.”
- We raise barns and the bar.
- Sew it goes.
- Horsepower: measured in neighs.
- My wagon, my rules.
- Plain and proud.
- Bread baked, drama flaked.
- She shunned him before it was cool.
- Barn again and loving it.
- We take selfies with our memory.
Amish Quotes Jokes
- “A stitch in time saves nine, but quilting saves sanity.”
- “Where there’s a barn, there’s a way.”
- “Speak softly and carry a churn.”
- “No electric? No problem, just light a lantern of hope.”
- “Behind every successful Amish man is a wise horse.”
- “Chores build character and biceps.”
- “Silence is golden unless you stepped on a chicken.”
- “Love is patient, especially in a buggy.”
- “Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication – and butter.”
- “Raising barns, not eyebrows.”
- “Faith, family, farming – in that order.”
- “No Wi-Fi? Time to grow closer.”
- “You can’t download humility, but you can milk it.”
- “Our barns may be plain, but our hearts are full.”
- “Live simply so others can simply quilt.”
- “Forgive quickly, milk slowly.”
- “Old ways have new strength.”
- “Hard work is the only app we need.”
- “Handshakes, not hashtags.”
- “Every barn tells a story.”
Amish Captions Jokes
- Why did the Amish farmer avoid social media? He couldn’t find the buggy-friendly version of Instagram.
- Amish selfie? It’s just a drawing in the barn dust!
- When life gives you horses, make buggy captions.
- No WiFi, but plenty of connection – just not the internet kind.
- If you think your phone is slow, try sending a message by buggy.
- Amish TikTok is just barn doors swinging to the wind.
- Keep calm and churn butter.
- Caption this: a beard, a bonnet, and a better work ethic than you.
- Hashtag blessed? More like hashtag buggy ride.
- They don’t follow trends, they plow through them.
- When the horse neighs, the Amish say, “caption that moment!”
- Want a real throwback Thursday? Visit the Amish.
- Amish filters: sunbeam, haydust, and candlelight.
- Their “cloud” is where the corn gets stored.
- That moment when your caption is hand-written.
- Butter-making: the original viral challenge.
- Beards before broadband.
- Churn up the likes.
- Posting on a barn wall counts as a caption, right?
- Caption goals: when your horse poses better than you.
Amish Puzzles & Riddles Jokes
- Why don’t the Amish play video games? They prefer real-life levels like field plowing!
- What’s an Amish person’s favorite puzzle? A jigsaw with all wooden pieces!
- Riddle me this: what goes clop-clop, neigh, and never crashes? An Amish Uber!
- Why did the puzzle box stay full? Because every Amish family member completed it.
- What’s harder than solving a Rubik’s Cube? Turning butter perfectly.
- Why did the Amish kid get confused? He thought a smartphone was a new puzzle.
- What do Amish kids call a maze? The cornfield in August.
- What’s the Amish version of Sudoku? Guessing how many cows are in the neighbor’s barn.
- Why was the Amish crossword so easy? It only used barn-related clues.
- What’s an Amish puzzle with no solution? A buggy with no wheels!
- Why do Amish never lose at board games? Because they made the board themselves.
- What’s the trickiest Amish riddle? How to fix a barn roof with three nails.
- How does an Amish dad test intelligence? With a hay-stacking riddle.
- What’s always in an Amish puzzle? A wooden twist!
- Why do Amish love riddles? No batteries required.
- What’s the most confusing part of an Amish puzzle? All the horses look alike.
- Why is an Amish riddle satisfying? It ends with pie.
- What’s an Amish escape room? Getting out of a locked outhouse.
- Why don’t Amish use hints? They believe in hard work.
- What’s the Amish version of a Rubik’s Cube? Rotating who churns butter.
Funny Amish Mafia Jokes
- The Amish Mafia doesn’t break legs – they break buggy wheels.
- Their drive-by involves actual horses.
- You mess with the barn, they’ll churn your butter – the hard way.
- Vinnie the Varnisher runs the furniture racket.
- Their getaway vehicle has hay in the back.
- Don’t cross them, or you’ll find your crops mysteriously weeded.
- Their leader’s name? Elwood the Elder.
- Witness protection means moving to another barn.
- They don’t carry guns – they carry stern glances.
- “Say hello to my little pitchfork!”
- Their hideout? Behind the quilt wall.
- When they go underground, they really mean the root cellar.
- Codeword for trouble? “The butter’s gone sour.”
- Their enforcer? A guy named Ezekiel with a stare that curdles milk.
- Got a barn fire? It’s probably turf war.
- The only wiretap is a guy literally tapping wire fences.
- Pay your dues or find your buggy wheels missing.
- Their motto: “Peacefully intimidating.”
- Turf war is who gets the best hay.
- You don’t want to meet them in a quiet cornfield.
Really Funny Amish Jokes
- Why did the Amish kid fail art class? He couldn’t draw anything but a horse.
- What’s faster than an Amish guy with a loose horse? Nothing!
- Why don’t Amish play hide and seek? Too many beards give them away.
- What’s an Amish microwave? A hot rock.
- The Amish GPS: left at the oak tree, then second barn on the right.
- Why don’t Amish wear watches? Because cows know when it’s milking time.
- Why did the chicken cross the Amish road? To get away from all the tourists.
- What’s the Amish version of Amazon? The general store.
- What’s Amish Netflix? Telling stories by lantern light.
- Why did the buggy pull over? Horse wanted a snack.
- How do Amish kids rebel? They milk someone else’s cow.
- Amish disco? Just a guy with a lantern spinning in the barn.
- Why was the Amish dad mad? Someone put a motor on the buggy.
- How do Amish tell ghost stories? Candlelight and exaggerated buggy noises.
- Why did the Amish student fail typing class? He used a butter churn.
- What’s the Amish definition of “streaming”? A brook.
- Their WiFi password? What’s WiFi?
- How do Amish prank each other? They hide the butter churn.
- Why do Amish parties rock? Two words: barn dance.
- How do Amish cool off in summer? Open the barn doors and hope.
Clever Amish Jokes
- Why don’t Amish text? Their horses don’t have keyboards.
- The Amish invented cloud storage – it’s called the hayloft.
- Why did the Amish man go into business? He heard there was a market for old-fashioned values.
- Their version of multitasking? Churning butter while quoting the Bible.
- Why are Amish great at farming? They have down-to-earth values.
- If the barn’s a-rockin’, it’s probably wind.
- What do Amish comedians use? Dry wit and wetter weather.
- Why did the Amish bring a hammer to the meeting? For some constructive conversation.
- Why don’t Amish need GPS? They just follow the smell of fresh pie.
- The Amish alarm clock: rooster with an attitude.
- What did the Amish say to Siri? “Bless your heart, child.”
- Why did the Amish dad smile at his son? He plowed his first straight row.
- Amish vending machine? A shelf with pies and an honesty jar.
- Why don’t Amish do selfies? The mirror’s too modest.
- What’s an Amish tablet? A wooden slate and chalk.
- Why did the Amish buy a new horse? For horsepower upgrade.
- Their version of a password? A secret pie recipe.
- Why do Amish stay calm? No pop-ups in their life.
- How do Amish avoid distractions? They buggy right past them.
- Why did the Amish teen get grounded? He talked to someone with a wristwatch.
Amish Jokes for Adults
- Why don’t Amish couples ever fight? Because they always turn the other buggy.
- Ezekiel broke up with his girl during barn-raising… it was a real “hay”-break.
- Why did the Amish guy bring string to the date? To tie the knot early!
- Rebecca didn’t like modern fashion—she was really into “plain” relationships.
- He told her he loved her… but she only wanted a “churn for the worse.”
- Why did they cancel the Amish prom? Too many haywire dance moves.
- He got caught sneaking into the barn… talk about a “plow-matic” situation.
- Why don’t Amish folks use GPS? They prefer directions by “gut” feeling.
- “Want to Netflix and chill?” she asked. “What’s Netflix?” he replied.
- Jacob flirted with his crush using butter puns. It was “udderly” awkward.
- Why did the Amish guy blush at the bakery? Someone asked for his hot buns.
- Her love life was so dull, she said she needed a “spark… not a spark plug.”
- At the Amish wedding, the priest said, “You may now churn the butter together.”
- His pickup line? “Are you made of wheat? Because you’ve stalked my heart.”
- She said, “You drive me to make one livid,” and he said, “I only drive buggies.”
- He asked, “Are you electricity?” because you light up my barn!
- She ghosted him… well, more like “vanished on horseback.”
- They said Amish dating apps are just notes pinned on the barn door.
- He’s been single so long, the cows asked if he needed a date.
- That awkward moment when your horse neighs at your ex.
Amish Jokes Reddit
- “What do Amish guys call their Wi-Fi?” “What’s Wi-Fi?”
- Reddit asked, “How do Amish teenagers rebel?” Answer: They grow sideburns.
- A post said, “What’s Amish TikTok?” It’s just spinning wheels—literally.
- Someone asked, “Do Amish people do CrossFit?” “No, they just raise barns.”
- The best comment: “What do you call Amish ASMR?” Butter churning.
- Redditor: “How do Amish text?” “With a letter and a prayer.”
- “Ask me anything!” said the Amish guy. First reply: “How are you online?”
- A Reddit joke: “I matched with an Amish girl… she sent me a butter churn emoji.”
- “Amish memes? You mean quilts with punchlines.”
- The top post: “My Amish cousin just invented a new dish—raw oatmeal.”
- Someone asked if Amish use DoorDash… Yes, but it’s just a neighbor with soup.
- “How do Amish rage quit?” They stop farming for a whole minute.
- Reddit AMA: “I’m Amish.” First question: “Are you allowed to be here?”
- “Do Amish people have memes?” “Only in their quilts.”
- Someone posted, “How to impress an Amish girl?” Answer: Know your woodwork.
- “Why don’t Amish prank each other?” “Because forgiveness takes too long.”
- Reddit user: “Amish parking lot—where all the buggies chill.”
- “Why don’t Amish people need therapy?” “They talk to their goats.”
- Comment of the day: “I heard an Amish guy got grounded. Literally—he fell in a ditch.”
- Someone said, “I got ghosted by an Amish girl.” Replies: “She went off-grid.”
Amish Jokes Meme
- Meme caption: “No Wi-Fi. No electricity. Still more peaceful than my apartment.”
- Image of a buggy: “Horsepower: Old School Edition.”
- Barn raising meme: “Amish CrossFit—Build it. Live in it. Never brag.”
- Guy churning butter: “This is my spin class.”
- Meme: “Netflix and what now?”
- Amish kid: “Grounded for using a candle after 9pm.”
- Horse meme: “I’m not Uber, I’m Amos.”
- Quilt: “Grandma’s meme board.”
- Butter meme: “Smooth like an Amish pickup line.”
- Amish gym meme: “It’s not a treadmill, it’s just chasing chickens.”
- Meme: “No electricity. Still brighter than my ex.”
- Meme caption: “Relationship goals: Share a plow, split the wheat.”
- Amish girl: “No filters. Just fields.”
- Meme: “My kind of drive-thru: barn door open.”
- Meme: “When life gives you cows, churn butter.”
- Meme: “No Instagram. Just barn stories.”
- Meme: “Can’t ghost me—I live down the field.”
- Buggy meme: “You honk, we neigh.”
- Meme: “Get a horse, they said. It’ll be fun, they said.”
- Meme: “When you grow up Amish, you really know how to unplug.”
Read More: Funny Mechanic Puns & Jokes One Liner
Amish Jokes Upjoke
- Why did the Amish man start stand-up? He figured he already had the wooden stool.
- “I told a barn joke… it raised the roof!”
- Upjoke winner: “Amish dance party—everybody clap… slowly.”
- My Amish girlfriend broke up with me—said I lacked horsepower.
- “Wanna hear an Amish dad joke?” “Sorry, I already heard it during morning chores.”
- My crush is Amish—she likes men who can milk emotions.
- Upjoke user: “Why did the Amish man fail his driving test?” “He took the horse.”
- She said I had buggy eyes. I said, “No, just love at first neigh.”
- “Amish karaoke night”—just a guy yelling hymn lyrics.
- “She ghosted me faster than a candle flickers.”
- My Amish friend just got a new buggy—it’s got wooden wheels and humble pride.
- Told a joke at the Amish pub… silence. Guess they don’t serve spirits.
- “I asked for a beer; they handed me goat’s milk.”
- Upjoke hit: “I told my Amish uncle a tech joke—he barnstormed out.”
- His love life’s so dry, the butter won’t churn.
- “I told an Amish pun… now I’m ex-communicated.”
- My first Amish date? We went square dancing. It was a-tract-or!
- Best Upjoke comment: “Still better than being ghosted in the buggy lane.”
- “I fell in love at barn-raising… until the hay hit my eye.”
- My Amish crush said I was plain…ly not her type.
Amish Knock Knock Joke
- Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Amish.
Amish who?
You’re really not sure who I am-ish? - Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
Butter let me in before the horse sees me. - Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Hay.
Hay who?
Hay there, neighbor! - Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Quilt.
Quilt who?
Quilt being so funny! - Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Oats.
Oats who?
Oats nice to see you again. - Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Plain.
Plain who?
Plain and simple, I’m hilarious. - Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Yoder.
Yoder who?
Yoder best laugh at this! - Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Churn.
Churn who?
Churn around, I forgot my bonnet. - Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Barn.
Barn who?
Barn to be wild! - Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Beards.
Beards who?
Beards a joke in here somewhere. - Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Hitch.
Hitch who?
Hitch me to the buggy, we’re late! - Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Straw.
Straw who?
Straw you later! - Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Candle.
Candle who?
Candle you not laugh? - Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Silence.
Silence who?
Exactly, it’s an Amish party. - Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Hoof.
Hoof who?
Hoof you don’t mind, I’m horsing around. - Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Buttercup.
Buttercup who?
Buttercup and see my new churn! - Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Bale.
Bale who?
Bale me out of this conversation! - Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Corn.
Corn who?
Corn you laugh at this? - Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Amos.
Amos who?
Amos definitely Amish! - Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Fence.
Fence who?
Fence you asked, I’m staying!
Amish Buggy Jokes
- Why did the Amish guy bring a blanket in the buggy? For horse cuddles.
- Buggies don’t break down—they politely stop.
- What’s an Amish Uber? A buggy with extra hay.
- The horse said, “Again? You forgot the oats?”
- My buggy got stuck in traffic—just two cows staring at each other.
- She said, “Nice buggy.” He replied, “Thanks, it’s Amish-certified.”
- What’s a buggy’s favorite song? “Wheels on the Grass.”
- Why did the buggy blush? Someone said it had nice curves.
- I got pulled over for speeding… I was going 7 mph!
- Amish valet service? Just tie the reins and walk away.
- The new buggy has a horn—it’s just Jacob yelling, “Move!”
- She got a new buggy… it’s a two-horsepower beast.
- Buggy jokes roll slow but deliver laughs on time.
- Why don’t Amish buggies get stolen? No Bluetooth, no bother.
- That moment when your buggy gets a flat… hoof.
- Why did the chicken cross the road? To beat the buggy!
- Amish GPS? Turn right after the big tree.
- “Your buggy or mine?” said no one cool ever.
- “What’s under the hood?” “A horse named Clyde.”
- Buggy joke of the year: It may not beep—but it neighs proudly.
Key Insight
1. What is a famous Amish saying?
One well-known Amish saying is: “Instead of putting others in their place, put yourself in their shoes.” This reflects the community’s values of humility, empathy, and peace. Amish people are taught to live simply, avoid conflict, and treat others kindly. Such sayings are common in their culture and often shared within families and church gatherings.
2. What is Amish dating called?
Amish dating is often referred to as “bundling” or simply “courting.” This tradition involves a young man and woman spending time together, usually in the girl’s home, under supervised or quiet conditions. Unlike mainstream dating, the focus is more on conversation and getting to know one another deeply, with marriage being the ultimate goal.
3. How to greet Amish people?
A respectful greeting for Amish people is a simple “Hello” or “Good day.” Avoid touching (especially handshakes with the ) unless they initiate it. Making eye contact and offering a gentle smile is seen as polite. Since the Amish value humility, they appreciate modesty and respect from outsiders.
4. Why is it called Amish?
The Amish are named after Jakob Ammann, a Swiss Anabaptist leader from the late 1600s. He believed in a stricter interpretation of religious teachings and encouraged separation from the modern world. His followers were called “Amish” as a way to distinguish them from other Mennonite groups who didn’t follow his practices.
5. Do Amish people use technology?
Most traditional Amish communities limit the use of modern technology. They may avoid electricity, cars, and smartphones because these tools are seen as distractions from faith and family. However, some Amish groups, like the New Order Amish, may allow limited use of certain technologies for work or emergencies.
Final Thoughts
Understanding Amish culture helps us appreciate the beauty of simplicity, strong community bonds, and deep-rooted values. While their ways may seem unusual to the modern world, the Amish choose a life of purpose, peace, and connection to tradition. Respecting their beliefs and learning from their lifestyle can remind us all of what truly matters in life.
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Hi! I’m Isabel, writer of punways.com, where I create witty wordplay and jokes that bring smiles and laughter. You can find my fun-filled content and clever humor.
